Got that Monday feeling on a Friday

“My thought is me: that's why I can't stop. I exist because I think… and I can't stop myself from thinking. At this very moment - it's frightful - if I exist, it is because I am horrified at existing. I am the one who pulls myself from the nothingness to which I aspire.” ― Jean-Paul Sartre, Nausea



I have nothing else to add. I shall retract back into my thoughts now.

Just a dream

It feels like it all finished before it even started. And now... Now what? Back to the real world. Back to daylight, the sounds of the city, your alarm, some sun.

What happens in Berlin stays in Berlin. Because the memories are all a blur.

Let's do it all over again.

REM

A dream
(within a dream)
Sleeping in consciousness
Prolonging the manifestations of the mind
and body; this is where happiness lies
No - no - it should not end
It is far too soon
to be awake -
Too late
.

Moments of Introspection

Off to Berlin in exactly one week and one day.

Berlin has a special vibe that I haven't felt in any other place in the world. Money is not the main driving force behind the city. A combination of factors have made it what it is today: the people, the history, the music. Everything feels authentic. You don't feel ripped off in everything you do. It feels just right. You can be who you are, or who you want to be, and no one will judge you. There is an ongoing energy that makes you feel very much alive.

My Berlin Pinterest Board has been updated with new places I'd like to visit party in. I have also created a custom-made Google map, because I am a geek, which I may or may not share when we're back. I have been looking forward to next weekend for too long.

A weekend of getting lost in deep sounds and dark rooms. A weekend of getting lost in the moment (as the Innervisions crowd put it) and at the same time rediscovering yourself. It's one of the funny things about clubbing for hours - you can reach moments of profound clarity, because at the very moment that you close your eyes the magic begins to happen. It's only you, and the music, and the way you perceive it.

In a similar way, daylight saving time has prolonged the night and the hours of darkness every day, forcing us to spend more time in the dark. Ironically enough, sometimes we see things more clearly in the darkness, with our mind's eyes. Surrounded by people, yet experiencing everything alone, in our moments of introspection.

Five minutes in the morning

That's how long it takes to add some creativity to your everyday live. I had a debate with a friend yesterday, about 'losing' creativity. Creativity and inspiration are not the same thing. Inspiration comes and goes. Creativity is instilled within you. You can't 'lose' it, because it's always there. You just need to be a little patient and persistent until it surfaces.

After having read Oliver Burkeman's very interesting article in the Guardian called Rise and shine: the daily routines of history's most creative minds, I realised that most of the biggest creative minds in history had - wait for it - full time jobs. But instead of letting this get to them, they managed to somehow fit their creative sessions within their already very busy days. They did other activities (taking long walks was a popular one) to get inspired and ensured they devoted a proportion of their day to their art.

How hard can that be? If you clear your head, sit down in a self-imposed quarantine and face a blank computer screen, or a piano, or a canvas, or whatever medium you choose to use, something will come to you. And if it doesn't, it's ok. As long as you try. Don't let 'real life' get to you - let real life be your source of inspiration. Let it be what structures your day, and your week, so you can base your moments of creativity around it.

Five minutes in the morning. Every morning, before work. Or five minutes before you go to sleep. That's all you need.

Franz Kafka worked for an insurance office

Summer in the city

There's something quite magical about summertime in big cities. Everything and everyone transforms. People are happier. The grass looks greener. Ugly residential blocks of concrete suddenly glisten with pride.

And suddenly, the days are longer, the nights are shorter, but you don't need the nights anyway because you remember how good it feels being in the sun. Suddenly, you realise that maybe you already have what you need. A terrace, a paddling pool, a group of friends, music and drinks. Dialogue-free scenes from a Sofia Coppola movie, with nostalgia quietly at work.

Time slows down, it's not your enemy anymore.

Then Monday comes. Every Monday feels like a small death. Every weekend that passes, a mini-lifetime that went by in flash. How could you have spent it differently? Could you have done more? Did you waste it doing nothing, or did you make the most out of it?

Snapping out of holiday mode, you make your way to work only to sit indoors and dream about being in the sunshine again. But it's not a bad feeling, because you know this time, summer's here to stay.

For now.

f@ck yeah

That is all. I have nothing else to say.

Free chocolate milk in the morning + this = I'm happy (ish, still can't get over this week's Game of Thrones episode). I can't wait for proper European tour dates. Not Reading festival. Not Leeds festival. Give us a proper London venue, and I'll be the first to stand in line.

DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT

PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK DAFT PUNK



I mean, this is probably not even the final version. But I can't stop listening to it and thinking of the beach, the sun and having a couple of these. (if you're too lazy to click on the link, it's a recipe for a smashed raspberry lemonade cocktail. Click away)

At least this year's music is good

2013 has not been disappointing when it comes to music releases. Yes, it's snowing in April. Yes, home is going through some (serious) sh1t, but a bunch of favourite artists are keeping us company through these cold, miserable times.

First of all, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs - a horrible album cover, but the music makes up for it. I can hear the dance remixes in my head:



P.S. Karen O, you are mental.


Up next, DAFT PUNK!




And, to set a more sombre tone, Nine Inch Nails. The release of their new album will probably be next year, which means 2013 will be spent listening to all the Halos and praying for a How To Destroy Angels European tour.

The smell of sunshine

I remember sometimes

Tingles of excitement

The countdown has officially begun.

Ten days until crossing over the Atlantic for a bit of adventure, a bit of tourism, a bit of partying and a lot of eating.

I am notorious for being a little, ahem, overly decisive on what needs to be seen and done on holidays. Guess it's my nature as a planner (doesn't help that I do it for a living, either). Itineraries and outfits need to be carefully planned out, but I'm willing to let go this time and roam freely. Except for our time in the rainforest.

Google maps view of the Iguazu Airport 

For now, I've set up a Pinterest board which has been taken over by meat. I couldn't help it, and I'm not ashamed of it either. 

At the time of posting...

...this video only had 2.7m views.



Unacceptable.


Layne Staley's voice is just out of this world. They say the eyes are the window to the soul, but with his shades on, Staley leaves you with no choice but to open up and hear every single emotion that is carried with every word he sings.

Perfect soundtrack to a grey, rainy London noon.

Caves and Fires - an exercise in ongoing writing while working

I'm having a Nick Cave/Arcade Fire morning. No deep basslines for now, no repetitive rhythms, no pads... Just 'proper' music. Sometimes a girl needs lyrics.

This blog post will be an exercise in ongoing writing while working. I will take you through my mind. It will be like Being John Malkovich, but without going through tiny doors or meaningless repetition of words.

So, another Friday and plans for the weekend are - to say the least - exciting. I am tempted to say 'eggciting' because of an inside joke that has been going on in the office, but  I won't. I'm lucky enough to have a 2pm finish today, which means I get to enjoy being in the cold for a little bit more.

It's 09:48 and Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains) comes on:

Sometimes I wonder if the world's so small,
That we can never get away from the sprawl,
Living in the sprawl,
Dead shopping malls rise like mountains beyond mountains,
And there's no end in sight,
I need the darkness someone please cut the lights.



Moving on. There's something about Fridays. Like you can achieve something, your time is here. Although small achievements come on an everyday basis.

Achievements of the week:

- Made great cake as therapy for having broken my iPhone's screen (RIP)
- Reached 1,000 words in my book of short stories (est. publication date: 2041)
- Made great soup on Monday, and great soup on Wednesday
- Remained calm in times of challenge
- Went to the gym despite having the excuse of a swollen ankle (entirely my fault)

Anyway, Fridays. There's something special about Fridays. Going out on a Friday night means you wake up on Saturday morning with a feeling of fulfilment and without the pressure of needing to 'do something' for the weekend to make it meaningful. I acknowledge that a lot of people are not like that, but in the world of twenty-somethings, the weekend is that special little chunk of the week where your time is not being controlled by the hands of a clock but by how you would like to spread it out.

A taster of tonight (in a large scale version). Ellen Allien doing her thang at Fly Bermuda Festival: http://www.be-at.tv/brands/bermuda-berlin-music-days/fly-bermuda-festival/ellen-allien.go?0

So. Excited. This is what Fridays should be like.

And, tomorrow I've got my first 'solo' gig in London. 5 hours of playing the music I like (you gotta be selfish sometimes) to my friends and hopefully other people with a taste similar to mine.



Midday. Usual lunch time, but as I leave work in a while I'm going to have late lunch. For now, it's CAKE TIME! With the amazing aforementioned therapy cake.

12:37 - Armed with tea and a sugar high, it's time for that final push towards the end of the working week.

Malkovich Malkovich.

Push The Sky Away

Nick Cave!

New album!

European tour!

I'm not big on exclamation marks, but this man deserves them (and sometimes likes to use them himself).

So, while randomly browsing my twitter feed and dreaming of pancakes, I saw a teeny weeny tweet about Nick Cave. And European dates.

Nick Cave. Probably one of the hottest ugly men out there. Because he makes hot music, and he has a hot voice.

The Guardian has kindly posted a full stream of the whole album. Enjoy it here.

I think I know you from somewhere

Soooo. SUN. Finally.

Of course it's still absolutely freezing, but at least we got a little bit of a vitamin D boost. I went out for a walk and cigarette on my lunch break, and I stopped at traffic lights on purpose, although I had the chance to cross the road (twice, at a leisurely pace), so I could stand in a sunny spot for a few more seconds.



In other news, Pinterest and tumblr have proven to be great methods of procrastination, although I've been cheating somewhat with the latter, as I've only been uploading my favourite photos I took using instagram.

In O' Level Geography, back in my glorious high school days (I'm sure I'm showing my age now, which isn't that tragic, but still), we were taught about the term 'conurbation', which basically happens once two or more urban areas start developing and growing to such an extent that they start merging with each other and turning into one. I feel the same is happening with the online and social media landscape.

The big question that keeps revolving in my head is when these will stop working together and start working against each other. It may become a case of the big fish eating the small ones, or people will simply fall back into their own networks of choice.

Cravings of the day

#1

Iced latte

(current outdoor temperature: 5°C)

#2

Donuts

On honesty to ourselves and to others

How honest are we?

Do we write things because we want someone to read them? Why post something online if you want to keep it personal? How private can you be in the world of facebook, twitter, instagram and smartphones?

Constantly connected, our lives are always on display to people we have merely brushed shoulders with on dimly lit Saturday night.

Things we have to admit to ourselves, things we have to admit to others. In that order? Not necessarily.

Writing in a diary or a blog is like an exercise in honesty. The more the readers, the more difficult honesty becomes. Honesty is perceived as a weakness, when it can really be a weapon. A game-changer. The most important and judgemental reader should, after all, be ourselves.

I told a friend I was bored, and she said I should write a blog post

The truth is, a lot of side projects, big and small, have prevented me from finding the time to sit down and write stuff that other people would like to read (or maybe not).

In the months leading up to the new year, I have been mostly preoccupied with:

a) Working (because I am a human being who is slowly finding her place in the world)
b) DJing
c) Planning events for said DJing
d) Relaxing
e) Reflecting

I have also been really bad at keeping my online presence updated. I renewed my flickr subscription, but I never posted any photos. My photo a day self-assigned project on tumblr turned to a photo a month, or old batches of photos being uploaded sporadically in an attempt to keep it alive. In the meantime, I went on instagram (shame on me) and started tweeting - all acts of time-saving and simultaneously holding on to the concept of being online, being social and being discoverable (and a little bit narcissistic).

It's a free world. We all do what we can, as Cat Power poignantly sings in her husky voice. 2013 will be a year of doing what I can. It's good to try and find out how far you can reach, but it's also important to do what you do because you want to do it. No stepping over dead bodies should be involved, obviously. But writing is not lethal (though the tongue may be an unruly evil, full of deadly poison etc), and trying to keep a blog won't kill me. So I'll try. No pressure.

Point is, it's ok to let go sometimes, enjoy the ride and just do things you enjoy (within the responsible human being boundaries mentioned above), because this is a forward-moving train and there's no going back.

Exhibit A: Me, pigging out on new year's morning, at 8am, after 6 hours of djing.